THE FIFTIES

1954 - Hobo Jones, Vagabond Johnson & Miser Bill got together a little cash and booked a session in a small record company in Memphis called Sun Studios. Hobo Jones was quite excited to record a new sound he had invented crossing rhythm & blues with a country feel to it. Unfortunately the night before they had rather a lot to drink and forgot to turn up. The session was taken at the last minute by a young truck driver who wanted to record a song for his mother's birthday.

1955 - After an arrest for drunkenness, they served some time in Folsom Prison and when a young Sun Studios recording artist called Johnny asked what prison was like. Vagabond Johnson told him "It gives you the blues."

1956 - Back in England the boys were booked to play at several 'tanner' hops until Wino Tyrone (Vagabond Johnson's brother) who was organising the after show party, sold all their instruments to buy some beer and nibbles. After drinking the beer they decided to go on stage anyway and after rooting through some bins at the back of the dance hall, they fashioned some instruments from junk they had found. Miser Bill found a guitar in the back seat of a car belonging to one of the other acts and the gig went ahead. Even though they didn't have proper instruments, they went down well with the crowd, particularly a young man named Lonnie who was very interested in their makeshift instruments.

1957 - Booked to play at The Woolton Garden Fate but, they got too drunk. Luckily some local boys called John & Paul stood in for them calling themselves The Quarrymen after mishearing Vagabond Johnson shouting "Stand in for us! You are the choir? man!"

1957 to 1961 - Whereabouts unknown.

THE SIXTIES

1962 - Hobo Jones is working at as a potman in a club in Liverpool when he meets up with John & Paul again as their band is booked to play. Later they fall out with Hobo Jones and vow never to speak to him again when he persuades their drummer he should pursue a career in art.

1963 - Hobo Jones is beaten up after trying to persuade another drummer to do storytelling for children's TV programmes. The drummer stays with the band and Jones is sacked by the venue's management.

Later that year he met up with the rest of the band in Dallas, Texas and they managed to sign a record contract. To celebrate, they spend the advance on several bottles of champagne and find a nice grassy knoll on which to sit and drink them. "The bottles popped quite loudly and we must have upset some of the neighbours because soon, there was police everywhere." said Miser Bill "we just stuck the bottles under our coats and sneaked off."

1964 - Miser Bill moves into a slum area of San Francisco on the corner of Haight & Ashbury and goes on a bit of a bender.

1966 - Vagabond Johnson & Wino Tyrone are arrested at a party of a young musician named Keith but manage to get 'let off' by planting evidence on Keith and his friend Mick. Meanwhile Hobo Jones was sleeping rough on Venice Beach and hanging out with some film students named Jim & Ray. As Hobo Jones had no matches, he often asked these students to light his fire so he didn't get cold at night.

1967 - Miser Bill sobers up in San Francisco and discovers his neighbours are all part of a new youth movement called Hippies. When he asks them what they do they tell him they just hang out and get wasted. He tells them he's been doing this since 1951 and it's not hard. He then leaves as their bright clothes are hurting his eyes. He later claims to have invented the hippy lifestyle and occasionally is known to shout at hippies for lifestyle theft.

1969 - All the band are back together to play a gig at a free festival in Woodstock, New York. They cannot be found when they are due to go on stage and they are not seen again for 2 years.

THE SEVENTIES

1971 - Hobo Jones is mistakenly enlisted in the American army while drunk and sent to Vietnam. He is sent to the front line after beating up an army radio DJ for shouting so much in the early morning

1972 - Hobo Jones is arrested for trying to rob the Bank of Hanoi. He claims it was a crime he didn't commit. He later escapes to the Los Angeles underground where he finds a job sweeping up the platforms.

1973 - The band are back together and after an accident on the M6 involving a lorry carrying glitter, the lads manage to make it to the gig but have to use make up to hide their injuries. They are a bit shook up by the accident and their set is a little stompier than usual. Still covered in glitter, the band influence a new trend called Glam Rock. Vagabond Johnson leaves to join a circus and tours the world with his act involving sticking pins into his head.

1974 - Vagabond Johnson returns to the band and in New York, they are booked to play at CBGB's. They support a band of brothers in biker jackets and ripped jeans. The lead singer of this band, Joey, is very interested in why Vagabond Johnson left the circus. He explained it was because he didn't want to be a pinhead no more.

1974 -1975 - Band working as binmen in London in between gigs.

1976 - While on strike, the band gets together for another gig but, after a session on cider & meths, they are fuelled into a rage which comes across in the music and due to the fact that they can only remember three chords, they are not very popular with the audience. However a young clothes designer called Malcolm was very enthusiastic about the gig saying he enjoyed it very much. Many audience members left complaining that all the band played was junk (refering to the instruments). "Yeah! Junk Rock!" Malcolm was heard to say before he left, deep in thought.

1977 - 1985 - Whereabouts unknown.

THE EIGHTIES

1985  - The band are booked to play at the Stonehenge Festival which was eventually stopped by the police in an incident now known as The Battle Of The Beanfield. The band were not involved as they were quite drunk when told they were playing The Stones and ended up supporting The Rolling Stones in Germany. Luckily the original support act hadn't turned up as they were a bit drunk when they were told where their gig was and they were arrested by Wiltshire police later that day. This gig led to another booking playing a charity gig in London but, they pulled out after meeting Bob, the organiser, as they thought him too scruffy to be able to organise a proper gig.

1986 - The band guest star on an Australian soap opera. They are sacked after Miser Bill is caught in a compromising situation with one of the show's young stars. Before being thrown off the set, Bill manages to shout at the young actress that she should leave the soap and pursue a career in music. "Right!" she shouted back, "I should be so lucky!"

1987 - Signed by Stock Aitkin and Waterman. Hobo Jones was signed on the hand, Miser Bill was signed on the leg and Vagabond Johnson was signed on the forehead. Autograph collectors are very interested in Miser Bill's leg as it is rumoured he hasn't washed it since this date.

1988 - 1991 - It is often rumoured the band spent this time in prison in Bangkok. They actually spent this time touring Europe. In 1989 there was a confirmed sighting in Berlin but they disappeared again after a drunken accident which resulted in the collapse of a rather important wall?

THE NINETIES

1991 - The band surface again in Seattle and were quite popular with the young, local bands. One young man wanted some advice on his music career and said to them he didn't know what to call his new album. "Nevermind." Hobo Jones replied sympathetically.

1993 - A very drunk Vagabond Johnson, tried to write 'slavering idiot' on another musician's face while he was sleeping off a session. He was too drunk to complete the task and ended up only writing slave. It was found later to be indelible ink and couldn't be removed for several years. This caused the musician much embarrassment and he took to wearing scarves over his face.

1994 - Played a gig with a young girl band. When asking Hobo Jones his advice on a career in music, he advised them to get a spicier name.

1995 - Seen playing at the beach wedding in Cancun. The bride, Pam,  was heard to say 'I really wanted to marry a Junkyard Dog but I think this guy will be better behaved."

Hobo Jones gives advice to a young singer who has just left a boy band. The singer, Robert, follows some of his advice (mainly involving diet and drinking) for a little while and he is quite successful today.

1996 - The band were major witnesses in the famous court case when Maidstone's famous surfer band The Spice Daves were sued over their name by a well known girl group. The case was later settled out of court after Wino Tyrone "had a word!" The Spice Daves continued to use the name until their split in 2001.

1998 - After a drunken bender in Beverly Hills the band are involved in a game of dares with other musicians near a public convenience. It all ends badly when one of the group, another musician named George, after being "double dog dared" by Miser Bill, ends up being questioned by the police. The band ran away laughing and were not questioned.

1999 - 2000 - Hard years gigging for the band as they save up for their New Years Party.

THE 21ST CENTURY

No one believed the band would live this long. They still look fairly youthful due to the formaldehyde abuse in the 1960s & 70's. After the 2000 New Years party the band had a hangover which they eventually got over in 2003 and got back to work.

They have been seen with Scary Dave (lead singer with rock band Genghis Khan't) and it is believed one or more of them may be living in his shed. It is rumoured that after the split of The Spice Daves, Scary Dave & Baby Dave went into a bit of a depression and couldn't even think about carrying on in the music business until they had a pep talk from Hobo Jones who was heard to say "A rock band should be like an invading and conquering army, like that Genghis bloke in old China."

The Daves replied "But we can't!"

"Oh but you can," stated Hobo Jones.

Maybe this was the reason they chose to call their next band Genghis Khan't, or maybe it wasn't.

In 2005 The band won the Maidstone Busker's Festival in August which was a good send-off for Vagabond Johnson who was incarcerated for a year in September for persistent swearing at pigeons in Gabriel's Hill, Maidstone. Actually, he would usually have got off with a fine for this but, he was quite drunk at his appearance in court and judges don't like to share their wigs apparently? They don't accept six cans of Special Brew and half a bag of chips as a bribe either.

His brother, Wino Tyrone, to make up for representing him in court, is filling his position in the band until he is free again and has promised not to sell his main instrument, the kitchen sink for money to buy some beer and some snouts. He has started the Free Vagabond Johnson campaign which he hopes will bring "this sad travesty of justice to the public eye" or at least earn the band a few quid from selling the badges!

This biography is taken from the book "Underground and Unknown Bands That You Won't Have Heard Of But, Can Pretend You Know All About To Look Cool In Front Of Your Friends." by Archibald Snot.

If you would like to join A Hobo Jones & The Junkyard Dogs Fan Club, please start one and you can be the first member!